Graphic videos of the violent attacks on political activist Charlie Kirk and Ukrainian refugee Iryna Zarutska are spreading online — and many tweens and teens have either searched for them or watched them unwittingly.
When kids are seeing death in their social media feeds, what can parents do about it?
“How you handle the conversation is less about age and more about what you know of your child and how likely they are to be impacted by the events,” Deborah Gilboa, a family doctor and resilience expert, tells TODAY.com.
Of course, these discussions depend on whether or not parents know for certain that their child has been exposed to graphic content.
It will probably happen at some point — according to The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), “By the time children reach middle school, they may have watched as many as 8,000 murders and 100,000 other acts of virtual violence through the media.”
Here's how to talk to children about graphic videos — and help rid the visuals from their minds.
What To Do If You Aren’t Sure Whether Your Child Has Seen a Graphic Video
“Ask your kid, ‘Did you hear about this event or see a video about it?” says Gilboa.
If your child says no, Gilboa suggests saying, “There is a video of it and it’s pretty hard, gross and scary. If you haven’t seen it, I’m really glad, because I can’t see what good it does.”
If your child did see it, ask: “What did you think about the video? How did it affect you?’” says Gilboa. “Explain that what they saw might have landed pretty hard in their brain.”
The AAP says sleep problems, behavioral changes, sadness and anxiety or headaches are signs that kids aren’t coping well with seeing violent imagery.
“Parents can decide, ‘What do I want my kid to remember about this event — what’s the lesson here?” says Gilboa. “It’s an opportunity to enforce values that matter to you.”
According to Gilboa, events like the ones involving Charlie Kirk and Iryna Zarutska don’t usually affect kids in the same way as they do adults.
“Most kids don’t look at those victims and say, ‘What if that was me?’ or ‘What does this mean for society?’ They don’t see themselves in these types of stories ... they feel different than a school shooting,” says Gilboa.
What To Do If Your Child Has Already Seen a Graphic Video
If your child has already viewed explicit content, the damage is not entirely done.
“Tell your kid, ‘You get to pick what you keep watching,” says Gilboa. A video might show up on their FYP, but as Gilboa says, “You can close your eyes, flip your screen around or turn away.”
If a friend of your child’s is texting them explicit videos, kids should be straightforward. “Tell them to say, ‘I can’t unsee that. Don’t show me that kind of stuff,’” says Gilboa.
Gilboa recommends tips for kids to overcome the affects of disturbing visuals:
- Visualization: Creating mental images that are relaxing can help people cope with trauma, according to the American Psychological Association (APA). Gilboa notes that it’s easier to conjure positive imagery — for example, puppies — than it is to erase negative memories entirely. “Rather than trying to stop thinking about something, try to start thinking about something else,” she says.
- Prayer: If it applies, religion or spirituality — whatever that means in your family — may encourage people to “to reframe events through a hopeful lens,” states the APA.
- Art therapy: Painting, drawing, sculpting or whatever awakens your child’s inner artist can help reduce feelings of distress, according to the APA.
These conversations should happen a few times, says Gilboa.
“Tell kids that images may pop up for them at weird times,” she says. “It’s normal for our brains to feed back those images.”
Then, ask again a few days later.
“Say, ‘Hey, I just wanted to check in about that conversation the other day — have you thought more about it or is there anything you want to keep discussing?” says Gilboa.
