Those microplastics ain’t shortening my lifespan fast enough to matter.

Drugshroom cloud.

His did they not go with “cockpocalypse”? I mean c’mon, it was right there.

Yawn.

If your idea if fun is to jump from a lethal height and trust some fabric to keep you alive, I’m just incapable of feeling bad when it kills you. Same for cave diving, incidentally. So you know how easy it is to not do something that can kill you? FFS, I’ve lived more days of my life, for about 40 years, resisting suicidal ideation, and you’re just like “lol gonna go reboot gate today for thrills.” Nope, you had this fucking coming bub.

Todd?

“Well now that you’ve caught me I guess I’ll have to recuse myself.”

Did she sneak into your room and steal it? No? Just me then, I guess.

My experience is annoyance followed by closing the tab.

Santa isn’t delivering shit to a house that’s brim-full of gun happy lunatics. Christmas magic don’t protect him from bullets.

Gotta cash in while the cash is there.

Don’t care, still not buying an Apple product.

I don’t need to see all this bullshit for 30 seconds every time I state the fucking game - I know who developed the game that I’ve sunk over 500 hours into.

Oprah deserves a boot to the head for foisting Drs Oz and Phil upon us all. Other reasons too, but especially this one.

It’s okay. IIRC, Morgan Freeman says "motherfucker"in it. Also there’s guns.

Is Ralph in the room with us now?

Is Minaj her actual name or is one of those BS performer names she made up?

It’s always been the propaganda arm of the Republican party.

Why do we only have the shittiest of plastic containers? Oh wait, it’s because we’re poor; I forgot it for a single second there.

My therapist advises, for good reason, that I limit my intake of news as it inspires too much rage against the machine. It’s a struggle.