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Story last updated at 11:11 p.m. on Saturday, February 6, 1999
And the pole winner is . . . Jeff Gordon.
B-O-R-I-N-G!
It's reached a point now where Jeff Gordon IS NASCAR. He is the intimidator. He is the dominator. He is the king. He has been the best, he is the best and he will be the best for years to come.
He is what Tiger Woods was supposed to be, a young virtuoso who isn't just better than every-body else, he's galaxies better. You could plug his air dam with roofing tar, install a cement spoiler and put chains on his tires, and he'd still be better. It's like he's driving a race car and everybody else is in restrictor-plated rickshaws.
Before Gordon's qualifying run yesterday a savvy racing writer sidled up to me and explained how Gordon wouldn't win the pole because of his late starting time. Common sense suggests that the track gets hotter and windier later in the day, which normally slows down cars substantially.
One problem: Common sense only works for common drivers.
Late in the day, early in the day, it doesn't matter with Jeff Gordon. In fact, it doesn't even have to be day. It can be night, too. He won the historic first race under the lights here in October, just as he won the pole yesterday, just as he will likely win the Daytona 500 Sunday. The only reason he hasn't won the Rolex 24 is because he's never raced in it.
Gordon.
Rhymes with Jordan.
And since Michael Jordan retired his No. 23, Jeff Gordon's No. 24 is the most dominant number in all of professional sports. He's coming off one of the greatest years in NASCAR history. He won 13 races, tying Richard Petty's modern record for victories in a single season. He earned a record $9.3 million in prize money and collected his third Winston Cup championship in four years.
He's Mark McGwire. And there is no Sammy Sosa.
There used to be a rivalry between Gordon fans and Dale Earnhardt fans. Now there is only jealousy. Gordon, in only six years on the circuit, has already won more poles than Earnhardt.
He's only 27 years old and you know what rookie Tony Stewart, who qualified second yesterday, called him? He called Jeff Gordon ''an icon.'' An icon, for crying out loud. Bear Bryant's an icon. Johnny Unitas is an icon. Mick Jagger is an icon. It should be a rule: ''You cannot be an icon if they card you at Chuck E. Cheese.''
What's even more amazing is Stewart, the man who used the icon tag, is 2 1/2 months older than Gordon. When asked yesterday what makes Gordon so much better than everybody else, a perplexed Stewart just shook his head as if he'd just been asked what makes Bill Gates better than all those other computer programmers.
''If we knew what makes Jeff Gordon better then we'd all be as fast as he is,'' Stewart answered.
What made Jordan better? Did he jump higher than other players, run faster, shoot better? Not necessarily. He just was. He simply did things with the basketball others could not. And, of course, he surrounded himself with the best supporting cast in the NBA - Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman and Coach Phil Jackson.
The same with Gordon.
He has the talent, the tools, the team. He has the best pit crew (the Rainbow Warriors), the best mechanic (Ray Evernham), the best car (No. 24 Chevy Monte Carlo) and, oh yeah, the prettiest wife. Brooke Gordon, the former Miss Winston Cup, looks like she just stepped off the cover of Cosmo.
The guy's so good it's disgusting. Which is why he is not only NASCAR's most revered driver, but the most reviled, too. The ''NASCAR Fans Against Jeff Gordon'' web site is one of the most frequently visited racing spots on the Internet.
Other teams are so envious of Gordon that it reached the pathetic point last year where they even accused him of cheating. Consequently, NASCAR impounded and inspected Gordon's tires and found absolutely nothing.
The secret compound?
''Air,'' Evernham scoffed.
Air Gordon.
  
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