Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 27, 2013

Jokes Junction in Gujarati.

છગનબાપુને મગને પૂછ્યું: 
‘બાપુ, તમે પરણ્યા તો ખરા. પણ ઘરવાળાનું નામ તો કહો.’
છગનબાપુ: ‘ગૂગલબા.’
મગન: ‘બાપુ, આવું નામ કાં?’
છગનબાપુ: ‘તમે એક સવાલ પૂછો તો દસ જવાબ આપે છે, એટલે…’
 
***************************
 
જેની પાછળ રૂ આવે તે બધી આઇટમ ખતરનાક ગણાય.
જેમ કે દારૂ, કૂતરુ, વાંદરુ, અંધારુ, સાસરુ
અન સૌથી છેલ્લે, સૌથી વધારે ખતરનાક:
બૈરુ!
 
**************************
ભગવાને સ્ત્રીઓને સુંદર બનાવી, સારું મગજ આપ્યું, હરણ જેવી આંખો આપી, ગુલાબ જેવા હોઠ આપ્યા, પ્યારથી ભરેલું દિલ આપ્યું અને પછી … જીભ આપીને બધા પર પાણી ફેરવી દીધું!
****************************
ફાઈનન્શીયલ મેનેજમેન્ટ.
એક ભિખારીને ૧૦૦ રૂપિયાની નોટ મળી. એ ફાઈવ સ્ટાર હોટલમાં ગયો, પેટ ભરીને ખાધું. ૩૦૦૦ રૂપિયાનું બીલ આવ્યું. પૈસા નથી, એમ કહીને હાથ અધ્ધર કરી દીધા. મેનેજરે એને પોલીસમાં સોંપી દીધો. ભિખારીએ પોલીસને ૧૦૦ રૂપિયા આપ્યા અને બિન્ધાસ્ત છૂટી ગયો!
– આને કહેવાય ફાઈનન્શીયલ મેનેજમેન્ટ વિધાઉટ એમબીએ!
 
*************************
 
એક દિવસ એક ભિખારી એક મોટા મંદિર પાસે ભીખ માંગતો હતો કે જ્યાં ખુબ ધનવાન લોકો દર્શન કરવા આવતા હતા.
ભિખારીએ કહયું, ‘હું ભૂખ્યો છુ, મેં બે દિવસથી કાય જ નથી ખાધું, મહેરબાની કરીને મને કાય આપો. પણ કોયે તેની સામે પણ ન જોયું બધા પોત પોતાની મોટી મોટી કારમાં બેસીને જતા રહેતા હતા.
ભિખારી નારાજ થય ગયો ને ચાલવા લાગ્યો. થાકીને એક બિયરબાર પાસે બેસી ગયો; તે કાય જ બોલતો ન હતો, છતાં ત્યાંથી બાર આવતા લોકો કોય ૧૦૦, તો કોય ૨૦૦ કે ૩૦૦ રૂપિયા આપતા જતા હતા, ભિખારીએ તે પૈસા હાથમાં લીધા ને ઉપર ભગવાનની તરફ જોયને બોલ્યો, ”અરે ભગવાન, તું રહેતા હે કહા ઓર address કહાકા દેતા હે!”
**************************
 
એક ભિખારી ભીખ માંગતો હતો. એક ભાઇએ કહ્યું “હટ્ટો કટ્ટો થઇને ભીખ માંગે છે? શરમ નથી આવતી? ચાલ મારી સાથે, કામ અપાવું. રૂપિયા પચાસ આપીશ.’ 
ભિખારીએ કહ્યું, ”તમે મારી સાથે ચલો, હું તમને રૂપિયા સો આપીશ.”
*************************
 
એક ખેડૂતનો બળદ ખરી સિઝનમાં મરી ગયો. એટલે તેણે બીજાનો બળદ ચોરી લીધો. કોર્ટ કેસ થયો. જજે ખેડૂતને કહ્યું, ”તમે બળદ ચોર્યો છે? જો ચોર્યો હોય તો આપી દો.” ખેડૂત માન્યો નહીં એટલે જજે વિચારીને કહ્યું “બળદને ગામ વચ્ચે છૂટો મુકી દો. જેનો હશે તેના ઘરે જતો રહેશે.” 
ખેડૂતે કહ્યું, “જજ સાહેબ, તમારી વાત સાચી છે. પણ આ નિર્ણય તો બળદે લીધો કહેવાય, સરકાર તમને પગાર શેનો આપે છે?”

2 प्रतिक्रिया

Posted in jokes

Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 27, 2013

Leave Applications

Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:

“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.”
· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:

“as I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days..”
·
Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding: 
“as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”
·
From H.A.L. Administration Dept: 
“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.”
·
Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: 
“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
·
An incident of a leave letter: 
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.”
·
A leave letter to the headmaster: 
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”
·
Another leave letter written to the headmaster: 
“As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.”
·
Covering note: 
“I am enclosed herewith…”
·
Another one: 
“Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…”
·
Actual letter written for application of leave: 
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.
·
Letter writing:- 
“I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.”
·
A candidate’s job application: 
“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
maheshmshah@yahoo.com       9-12-2012

१ प्रतिक्रिया

Posted in jokes

Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 27, 2013

Legal jokes

First Joke

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbour owes me $500 andhe
doesn’t want to pay up.What should I do?” “Do you have any proof?”, asked
the lawyer.

“Nope,” replied the man. “Okay, then write him aletter asking him for the
$1,000 he owes you,” said the lawyer. “But it’s only $500!”
replied the man. “Precisely, that’s what he will reply and we will have the
proof we need,” said the lawyer.

Second Joke

The professor of a Contract Law class asked one of his better students, “If
you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?” The student
replied, “Here’s an orange.” The professor was outraged.”No! No! Think like
a lawyer!” The student then replied, “Ok.I will tell him – “I hereby give
and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim,
title and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind,
juice, pulp and seeds,and all rights and advantages with full power to bite,
cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and
without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before and
hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind
whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding.

Third Joke  –

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the
counter.Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog as belonging to a
neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the
theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, “Hey, if yourdog stole
a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?”
The lawyer replied, “Of course, how much was the roast?” “$7.98.” A few days
later the butcher received a cheque in the mail for for $7.98. Attached to
it was an invoice that read :
‘LegalConsultation Service: $150.

Fourth Joke  –

The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to
law school. He graduated with Honours, and then went home to join his
father’s legal firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his
father’s office, and said, “Father, you know what, in one day I managed to
solve the accident case that you’ve been working on for 10 years!” His
father responded : ” You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for 10
years!”

 

yogesh.chaudhary@stergel.com       1-6-2012

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Posted in jokes

Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 27, 2013

Humour – all kinds

An Ambitious MLA Phones The Chief Ministers Residence 
Later After Midnight.
The CM’s Personal Assistant Answered The Call.
I Need To Talk Urgently With The CM..It’s A Matter Of 
Emergency Explained The MLA
After Much Cajoling The CM’s Personal Assistant Agreed 
To Wake Up The CM.
So What Is So Important That It Could Not Wait 
Until Morning..Grumbled The Sleepy CM
The Home Minister Just Died..Explained The MLA 
And I Would Like To Take His Place
Begged The MLA.
Well..It’s Okay With Me Agreed The CM..
If It’s Okay With The Crematorium..You May
Very Well Go Ahead And Take His Place Instead..!
Click here to join World Malayali ClubClick here to join World Malayali Club
Sonia Gandhi In “Kaun Banega Karodpati”
Amitabh : Soniaji, Ab Aakhri Saval, 5 Crore Ke Liye.
Who Is The Chief Minister Of Gujarat?
Your Options Are…
A) LALOO PRASAD.
B) VILASRAO DESHMUKH.
C) ARJUN SINGH.
D) NARENDRA MODI..
Soniaji : It’s Narendra Modi.
Amitabh : Are You Sure ? Lock Kar Doon?
Sonia :  If You Really Lock Him Up, I Will Give You 100 Crores!
Click here to join World Malayali ClubClick here to join World Malayali Club
Jailer To Ajmal Kasab  :  You Are So Happy Today?
Kasab : I’m Not Indian, I Hate India, I Killed Indians
 But I’m Very Safe In India.
Journalist To Anna Hazare : You Are So Sad Today?
Anna :  I’m Indian, I Love My India And Indians,
 But Feel Unsafe…
I’m Not Sure When I Will Be Killed
Click here to join World Malayali ClubClick here to join World Malayali Club
God Decided To Encourage People To Have 
Fewer Children So Every One had
Adequate Of Everything On Earth To Enjoy..
So He Introduced An Award Scheme…
During The Procedure At One Point, He Concentrated 
On Learning About The
Situation In India….
He First Met Jawaharlal Nehru In Heaven, And Asked Him 
How Many Children He
Had During His Time On Earth.
Nehru Replied… Only One!
Happy With The Relatively Good Family Planning Adopted,
God Awarded Nehru With A Celestial Rolls Royce!Indira Gandhi Was Next, And God Asked The Same Question.

She Replied She Had Two Children.
God Thought, Not Too Bad, So He Gave Her A BMW.Dr. Radhakrishnan Was Next In Line.

God Was Not Pleased To Hear That He Had Six Children, And Gave Him A Morris-8
As A Kind Punishment…
Sometime Later…..
The Three (Nehru, Indira And Radhakrishnan) Going Around In
Their New Cars, Saw Mahatma Gandhi On Foot !!!
Wondering What Went Wrong…?
They Asked Why God Hadn’t Been Merciful With Him…
The Mahatma Replied In Disgust, “God Did Not Even Ask Me !!!….
Some Idiots Had Told Him That I’m The Father Of The Nation !
Click here to join World Malayali ClubClick here to join World Malayali Club
In View Of The Current Situation In Pakistan… 
 The “Pakistan Zindabad” Slogan Has Been Changed To
“Pakistan Se Zinda Bhaag.”
Click here to join World Malayali ClubClick here to join World Malayali Club
Last Month A World-Wide Survey Was Conducted By The UN.
The Only Question Asked Was…
“Could You Please Give Your Honest Opinion About Solutions To The Food Shortage In The Rest Of The world ?” 
The Survey Was A Massive Failure Because Of The Following:
 In The Indian Subcontinent They Didn’t Know What  “Honest” Meant. 

In Western Europe They Didn’t Know What “Shotrage” Meant. 

In Africa They Didn’t Know What  “Food” Meant. In China They Didn’t Know What  “Opinion” Meant.

In The Middle East They Didn’t Know What “Solution” meant. 

In South America They Didn’t Know What “Please” Meant. 

In The USA They Didn’t  Know What “The Rest Of The World” meant.

 

 

 

maheshmshah@yahoo.com     1-6-2012

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Posted in jokes

Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 27, 2013

Some jokes

 
Some jokes

1. What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE………?

Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai…… Doosari bigadati hai to “SHUROO” ho jati hai….

2. 19 Sardars went to watch a film. On asking them why they came in a big group of 19 ? They replied,”the film was for above 18′

3. Girl to Boyfriend: Now it is time we should marry.
Boy: That’s ok, but who will marry us.

4. College Principal: If a boy is found in girl’s hostel, he will be fined $20 first time, $30 second time and $50 third time.
Munna Bhai: What will you charge for a Monthly Pass, mamu?

5. A girl student comes late to class in a college.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Girl student: One boy was following me, sir.
Teacher: So, What?
Girl student: That boy was walking very slow.

6. Man said to Priest: Why did god make women so beautiful?
Priest: So that you will love them.
Man: But why did God make them so dumb?
Priest: So that they will love you.

7.A husband was returning home after cremating his wife.
He sees heavy lightning and thunderstorm in the sky.
He thinks: She must have reached there.

8. Santa was weeping at a grave, “Why did you die? Why did you die? Your death ruined my life.”
A man asked: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend?”
Santa: My wife’s first husband

9. Son: Dad, how much does it cost to get married.
Dad: I never calculated, I am still paying for it.

10. Man: I want divorce. My wife hasn’t spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Think about it once again. Wives like that are hard to get!

ketandave153@hotmail.com       5-6-2012

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Posted in jokes

Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 27, 2013

Husband V/S Wife

Husband V/S Wife

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, W ithout I nformation, F ighting E verytime!

Wife: No darling, it means, W ith I diot F or E ver

************ ********* ********* *********

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I’d be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that  you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.

************ ********* ********* *********
Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping

pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you
************ ********* ********* *********
Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it; the minute I asked you to marry me.
************ ********* ********* *********
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why  Three?
Husband: For you and your parents
************ ********* ********* *********
Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push…!!!

 

 

 

Sonal Rawal <rawalsonal@gmail.com      5-6-2012

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Posted in jokes

Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 27, 2013

Hasate Raho !

Apni Biwi ko apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai.
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai
Paisa apka … Faisla apka …“Funny but true fact !!

A woman worries about her future till she gets a husband,
A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife !! ..
What do u say??????????? A Man before marriage is – Superman.
After Marriage – Gentleman.
5 Years Later – Watchman.
10 Years later – Apne Hi Jaal Mein fasaa hua       Spiderman.

Life may hamesha Haste raho, muskrate raho, gaate raho, gungunate raho…

thaki tumhe dekh kar hi log samaj jaye ki……………
Tum… “KUWARE” ho….. Wife- agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband – main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi ho…..
KHUSH RAHO


Wife – Shadi ki raat tum ne jab mera ghunghat uthaya to kaisi lagti thi..
Husband – Mai to mar hi jata agar mujhe hanuman chalisa na yaad hoti..!!

Why love marriage is better than Arranged????

B’coz a “KNOWN DEVIL” is better than an “UNKNOWN GHOST”.

Wife: main tumhari yaad mein Bees din mein hi aadhi ho gayi hoon,

          mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho?
HUSBAND: Bees din aur ruk jaao.

A man gave an add in Matrimonial column “PATNI CHAHIYE”
He got 1000 replies all saying:- “Meri Le Ja…!”, ”Meri Le Ja…!”

Husband to Hotel Manager: “Jaldi chalo! meri biwi khidki se kud kar jaan dena chahti hai”
Manager: “What can I do?
Husband: “Kamine, khidki nahi khul rahi hai.”

Every person is a FREEDOM FIGHTER …….. Immediately after Marriage!!

Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover,

an accomplishment for a bachelor and a Matter of Survival for a married man.
Good Luck! 

Woh kahte hain ki hamari biwi swarg ki Apsara hai,
Hum ne kaha khushnaseeb ho bhai, hamari to abhi Jinda hai…
shah_pramod@hotmail.com           27-6-2012

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Posted in jokes

Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 26, 2013

Arab and Gujarati Baniya

 

Arab and Gujarati Baniya 
 
An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for heart transplant, but prior to the 
surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. 
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally. 
So the call went out to a number of countries. 

Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood. 
The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab. 
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, 
a new Toyota Prado, diamonds, lapiz lazuri jewellery and a million US dollars. 

Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. 
His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again. 

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a jar of Almond halwa sweets. 

The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati’s kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him, “This time also I thought that you would give me a Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewellery… ..

But you gave only a thank you card and a jar of Almond sweets ….” 

The Arab replied, 

“Bapu…..now I have Gujju blood in my veins!” 

 
 
 
ketandave153@hotmail.com       16-6-2012

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Posted in jokes

Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 26, 2013

marriage humors

Few marriage humors are enjoyable:
1. Quote on a man’s T-shirt:
All women are devils…
But my wife is QUEEN of them!
2. सुख तो आपका पुण्य होगा उतना मिलेगा…..
लेकिन, शांति तो आपकी घरवाली की इच्छा होगी उतनी ही मिलेगी!
3. बीवी: कोई आदमी चोरी करता है, उसे पछतावा होता है..  
आपने कभी चोरी की है?
पति: 10 साल पहेले तेरा दिल चुराया था… आज तक पछताता हु!!
4. Man was sent on earth to suffer…
Women was sent to make sure it happens!
5. अच्छी बीवी और चुड़ैल में क्या समानता है?
दोनों के बारे में बहुत सुना है, पर किसीने कभी देखा नहीं!!
6. A man asked for poison.
Chemist refused, since it required prescription.
He showed his Marriage Certificate.
Chemist: बस कर भाई, रुलाएगा क्या? बड़ी बोतल दू या छोटी?
7. डॉक्टर: ये 3 दांत कैसे टूटे?
मरीज़: जी, वो… बीवी ने लड्डू बनाये थे….
डॉक्टर: तो ना बोल देते!
मरीज़: तो तो पुरे 32 के 32 टूट जाते…!!!
8. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
And other is husband!
9. Husband & Wife always compromise.
Husband always admits that he is wrong, and wife agrees with him.
10. Husband & wife had a long argument.
Wife concluded: See dear; do you want to WIN or be HAPPY?
11. A man speaks 25000 words daily,
A woman speaks 30000 words.
Problem starts when husband comes from office after finishing his 25000,
& Wife starts her quota of 30000 words!
12. बीवी: तुमने कभी सोचा, मेरी शादी किसी और से होती तो क्या होता?
   पति: नहीं…. में कभी किसीका बूरा नहीं सोचता…!!
13. Boy: My dad is billionaire & 93-years old.
     He will die soon.
     Will you marry me?
     Girl: NO.
    A week later she became his step-mother.
    Moral: Don’t give ideas to girls.
14. समुन्दर से कहे दो अपनी लहेरो को समेट के रखे,
ज़िन्दगी में तूफान लाने के लिए घरवाली ही काफी है….
15. Two things in life are difficult to achieve:
(1) to plant your idea in someone’s head, &
(2) to plant somebody’s money in your pocket.
* He who succeeds in the 1st, we call him TEACHER;
* He who succeeds in the 2nd, we call him GOVERNMENT;
* The one who succeeds in both, we call WIFE; &
* The one who fails in both, we call HUSBAND!
16. उसने कहा: मेरी बीवी तो स्वर्ग की अप्सरा है…
   हमने कहा: खुशनसीब हो मेरे भाई,
   मेरी तो जिंदा और जान-लेवा है…!!
17. संता: यार, में  कुछ भी करता हु, मेरी बीवी बीच में आ जाती है…
   बनता: यार, तु कार चला के देख..!
18. Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
     It Means-Worries Invited For Ever…
     Wife: No; it means- With Idiot For Ever !!!
19. Three dolls in a man’s Life:
(I) His Daughter: Barbie Doll
(ii) His Girlfriend: Baby Doll
(iii) His Wife: डामाडोल…!!!
20. No one teaches a volcano how to erupt…
No one teaches a tsunami how to arise…
No one teaches a hurricane how to sway around…
No one teaches a man how to choose a wife…
Natural Disasters just happen…!!!
21. Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia?
The Mafia wants either or money or life…
The wives want both!
22. Searching these keywords on Google ‘How to tackle wife?’
Google search result, ‘Good day sir, Even we are searching’.
23. Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.
It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!
24. Imagine living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house for 5 years.
Osama Bin Laden must have called the US Navy Seals himself!
25. Whisky is a brilliant invention…
One double and you start feeling single again.
26. A friend recently explained why he refuses to get to married.
He says the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs.
27. STILL PEOPLE WANT TO MARRY!!!
FULL FORM OF SHAADI  “शादी”
S – शांति भंग
H – हिम्मत ख़तम
A – आजादी समाप्त
A – आराम हराम
D – दिमाग ख़राब
I – इंसान खलास..!
28. सरदार ने Airhostess से कहा: आपकी सूरत और आवाज़ बिलकुल मेरी बीवी जैसी है.
Airhostess ने एक तमाचा मार दिया…
सरदार: कमाल है; आदत भी वैसी ही है.!!!
29. बीवी: अगर में खो गयी, तो क्या करोगे??
संता: में निर्मल बाबा के पास जाऊंगा.
बीवी: तुम कितने अच्छे हो… क्या कहोगे उनसे?
संता: कहूँगा, बाबा, आप की कृपा हो गयी.!!!
30. पत्नी ने पति के गाल पे जोरदार तमाचा मार के मच्छर मार दिया.
पति गुस्से हो गया…
पत्नी: जो खून मुझे पीना है, वो कोई दूसरा पी जाए, तो कैसे चलेगा?!
31. American: In India, do you guys call your wives ‘HONEY’ in your native language?
Indian: Oh no; we call them BEE-BEE… they sting twice as hard as HONEY BEE…
32. एक आदमी मंदिर में बोल रहा था:
हे भगवान,
तेरी दया,
तेरी कृपा,
तेरी श्रद्धा,
तेरी आराधना,
तेरी अर्चना,
तेरी भक्ति,
तेरी पूजा,
तेरी आरती,
तेरी माया,
तेरी गीता,
तेरी विद्या,
तेरी रिद्धि,
तेरी सिद्धि,
तेरी लक्ष्मी,
तेरी करुणा,
तेरी महेर,
तेरी लीला..
…… मेरी एक भी नहीं…!!??
Lastly, in Gujarati language:
લખુભા: મારી પત્ની તો દેવી છે…
જોરુભા: દેવી તો મારે ય છે; પણ એને લ્યે કોણ..??!!
__._,_.___
maheshmshah@yahoo.com>      10-8-2012

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Posted in jokes

Posted by: vmbhonde | मार्च 26, 2013

sardar jokes!

Par gun bhool gaye…
Phir bhi bank loot liya
Kaise??? .Bank Manager bhi sardar tha. Bola
“I trust you, gun kal dikha dena”
============
Santa ke pita USA se aaye.
Pita: teri maa kahan hai?
Santa: Woh toh marr gayee!
Pita: Saale tune mujhe bataya q nahin?
Santa : Maine socha aapko surprise dunga
=================

Sardar: Raat bhar train mein neend hi nahin aayee, upar ka seat mila tha…
Dost: Toh exchange kyun nahin kiya
Sardar: Arrey bewakoof, kisse karta… neeche ke seat pe koi bhi nahin tha.
=================

Sardarni: Lo, light chale gayee
Sardar: Light chali gayee toh kya, fan chalu kar
Sardarni: Lo, kee na wahi sardaron-waali baat,
Agar fan chalu kiya toh mombatti bhuj nahin jayegi?
=============

If sardar want to dial 9449494494,
how will he dial……..?
..He will first dial ….. 94494
and then press “REDIAL”…………………
================
Sardar: Yeh kela (banana) kaisa diya?
Shopkeeper:Ek Rupiya.
Sardar: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Sardar: Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela de de……..
================
One day a Sardarji was talking with his friend….
Santa: I and my wife have to learn Telugu within 6 months or
we will not be able to communicate with our child.
Friend: Is it?! Why?
Santaji: We have adopted a Telugu child and it will start to speak after 6 months!
=============
Santa: Parso meri biwi kuwey mein gir gayi,
bahut chot lagi thi, bahut chilla rahi thi.
..
Banta: Ab kaisi hai woh?
..
Santa: Ab theek hi hogi – kal se kuwey se aawaz nahi aa rahi hai..
——————————————————————–

Par gun bhool gaye…
Phir bhi bank loot liya
Kaise??? .Bank Manager bhi sardar tha. Bola
“I trust you, gun kal dikha dena”
============
Santa ke pita USA se aaye.
Pita: teri maa kahan hai?
Santa: Woh toh marr gayee!
Pita: Saale tune mujhe bataya q nahin?
Santa : Maine socha aapko surprise dunga
=================

Sardar: Raat bhar train mein neend hi nahin aayee, upar ka seat mila tha…
Dost: Toh exchange kyun nahin kiya
Sardar: Arrey bewakoof, kisse karta… neeche ke seat pe koi bhi nahin tha.
=================

Sardarni: Lo, light chale gayee
Sardar: Light chali gayee toh kya, fan chalu kar
Sardarni: Lo, kee na wahi sardaron-waali baat,
Agar fan chalu kiya toh mombatti bhuj nahin jayegi?
=============

If sardar want to dial 9449494494,
how will he dial……..?
..He will first dial ….. 94494
and then press “REDIAL”…………………
================
Sardar: Yeh kela (banana) kaisa diya?
Shopkeeper:Ek Rupiya.
Sardar: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Sardar: Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela de de……..
================
One day a Sardarji was talking with his friend….
Santa: I and my wife have to learn Telugu within 6 months or
we will not be able to communicate with our child.
Friend: Is it?! Why?
Santaji: We have adopted a Telugu child and it will start to speak after 6 months!
=============
Santa: Parso meri biwi kuwey mein gir gayi,
bahut chot lagi thi, bahut chilla rahi thi.
..
Banta: Ab kaisi hai woh?
..
Santa: Ab theek hi hogi – kal se kuwey se aawaz nahi aa rahi hai..
——————————————————————–

shah_pramod@hotmail.com          2-3-2013

 

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